Why Finding April Renee?

At age 43, you would think I would have my shit together or at least be married with kids and have the white picket fence, according to the American dream, right? That’s what we’re brought up to believe, but what if things don’t go according to plan? Does that mean I’m considered a failure because I didn’t complete the societal checklist?

Well, I did check off one when I became a mother at 23, but it’s frowned upon because I wasn’t married to the father. Keeping it real, I’m glad I never got married to that man, but I don’t regret the child we had together. Being a mother at that early age placed my dreams on hold. It was no longer about what I wanted to do in life. My life consisted of raising my child while surviving an emotionally abusive relationship that lasted for 11 years but continued to have a lasting effect on my life in some way.

Motherhood has been a wonderful, yet anxiety-filled experience, especially when you feel like you’ve been doing it alone even while you were in a relationship with the father. I am glad I realized one child was enough for me, but I’m sad that during that 11-year toxic relationship, I allowed his emotional abuse to affect me which resulted in me losing myself. I had lost that spark of hope and felt trapped in a relationship with a man I wasn’t even married to. The abuse, the threats, and the lies had silenced me to the point I couldn’t even be my true self in front of my child.

In 2010 things started looking up a bit when I finally decided to pursue my passion for writing. Even though I felt trapped in my physical situation, writing saved my life and I felt like I had a voice again. I was still in an unhappy place physically and mentally. I was at my highest weight and in a horrible relationship. Once I finally got out I dealt with multiple health scares and I knew I had to make a change, but change can be hard when you’re faced with anxiety, stress, and other life-altering moments. Sometimes you have to hit the reset button more than a few times and I’m probably on number 304.

This is me hitting the reset button again at a time in my life when things seem uncertain and the health problems won’t easily disappear. In other words, it’s time to get shit done and write the next chapter of my story which will involve me getting my health back on track by eating plant-based and healing my body, my mind, and my spirit.

I’m finally getting back into writing TV pilots, feature films, and books while pursuing other creative outlets like drawing, photography, and even possibly starting a podcast. I don’t need to be a best-selling author or a TV showrunner. Would it be nice? Yes, but as long as I’m writing and telling the stories I want to tell, that is where I find my happy place even if I’m doing it for free.

The American dream is great if that aligns with your goals, but for me, there’s so much more to discover about myself outside of what society thinks my life should look like by the age of 40. When it comes down to it, knowing that I’m living the life I want to live on my terms is far more important. Finding April Renee is my journey of discovering what I lost and reimagining what my life can be.