(Faces have been blurred to protect the innocent, and yes, that’s me giving side eye in the picture, which can be found in my high school yearbook 🙂 )
Twenty-six years ago, I graduated from high school, and it’s mind-boggling to even think that it has been that long. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that my memory isn’t as great as it used to be. Honestly, my memory has been shit my entire life. Looking at most of my childhood pictures, I have no recollection of those moments other than what my family has told me.
When you experience a lot of trauma in life, I wonder if your brain tries to protect you by having you experience temporary memory loss until one day it finally reveals itself in therapy.
Or maybe in a TV writers’ room if I ever get that lucky.
I was one of those students with high potential to succeed in life. I was in the top five in my class. I was involved in multiple organizations and played volleyball. My journey was full of possibilities.
Fast-forward 26 years, and I’m struggling to make ends meet while working two jobs that I don’t love. I’m thankful for them, but it’s not something I want to do the rest of my life, and every day I have to face that reality.
Seriously…
Over the last several years, my part-time job has been in retail, and for some fucking reason, everyone from my high school past I have come face to face with. Mind you, I have not seen or heard from these people in over 26 years, and I’ll admit at the beginning, I was embarrassed to be seen working in retail as a cashier. Facing my past and what I could’ve been has been an eye-opening experience. It’s made me reflect on my choices in life and if I could’ve done more to be in a better place.
As I experience these unexpected encounters with unfamiliar faces from my past, I get a glimpse of my childhood, and feelings of my insecurities resurface, making me realize I have unresolved issues I may need to work on.
Will I be able to truly confront these issues? Or will it continue to deter me from the future I want?
To be continued…
Below are a few pages from one of my projects I’m developing around this topic.
findingaprilrenee.com 